.

I just want something that's forever...

simplicity.

Now that I have a gist of normalcy back into my life it feels nice. I've been told I'm an individual that is hard to please; I've never denied that fact. It's funny though how the small things in life are what pleases me. For instance, listening to indie music while being curled up with a good book, painting, keeping up with Hayley and the band, Nat King and Sinatra blaring through the house, viewing serene pictures are things I've done in solitude lately but they make me oh so very happy! Life is a trip. Everyday, more than not, I think of how I know this town, this state isn't for me. I've seen different and it compels me to get there that much faster. Where is there? That place that tells me I'm meant to be here, that I am home.

"Keep Calm and Carry On"

learning.

Food for thought:

NOT ONE relationship will make it without the love of God embracing himself upon your life. It is a constant struggle to keep that balance without placing that person above Him, but you must. Not only will it strengthen your relationship with God, but it will bring endless happiness to your relationship. The bond you create is UNBREAKABLE as long as He's there and will shed its glory upon the other elements in your life.

This is why my past never worked out. I never stressed the importance of having my faith a part of my love life. I won't have it any other way now.

As I pray for those before me and their loved ones, I then pray for myself and thank him for allowing me to glorify Him.

81.8% on my TEAS...not too bad but not good enough for me! Haha I'm going back in! My birthday is in 3 days and I'm not quite sure on how I feel about it. I'm thankful to God for another healthy, blessed year but really, getting older sucks. Eh. I'll embrace my age instead of looking at it with a negative aspect this year. 24! WOOOOOO!

bleh.

You would think that I didn't care about my life by the way I act...I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm just burnt out from trying so much with school. My TEAS are coming up in a couple of days and I should be studying my butt off but yet I'm not. I wish I could receive some inspiration and motivation to just push through it, just push through it. Taking encouragement from people isn't working anymore. This is why I always think I need to do things alone. I kind of push myself...and if I can't seem to, I then seek for help through others. I feel like this test can open some doors for me and yet I can't seem to want it so bad anymore. Ateque?????????

I will say this though. I am really going to study today with breaks but I'm going in!!!

Asylum

soaked in sorrow.

While studying, listening to Yiruma. There's a downpour...in my head. I wish I didn't feel so glum.

calm.

I do miss quiet time to myself nowadays. I must admit that I don't get very much of it. Indie music and piano compositions were my escape from all the horrid and stressful elements of life. As I'm writing this, I'm appreciating the solitude. Oh, I miss you New York.

Bryant Park

From all the beautiful places I've seen in New York, this is the most vivid. <3 New York is beautiful even when the sky is crying. The sculptures and columns that are encrusted in the buildings are timeless. Even the way the sun peaks through the trees is an art. It truly takes my breath away.

spiritual.

"Having faith in something you can't see but feel is sometimes the hardest thing. Sin is always going to be knocking at your door in this world. But He has faith in you. He always has."


-me.

VK

"If you want something, be prepared to work harder than everyone else." --Victor Kim

Inspired. Thank you.

revelation.

Fresh air and peace are what fill my lungs now. As the high times of life with friends can distract you for it fills the empty moments in your day, it does not solve your problems. I have been looking for love in the wrong places for a long time. I realized yesterday that it is His love that I must yearn for. It is His love that I need. He's been speaking to me in my failures and has been waiting for me to open my heart to Him because well...His has been open to me. I'm letting Him guide me with my fists unclenched.

I'm sorry that I had to leave what we had behind. I hope that you will fully understand someday. Thank you for making me realize what I've been missing all my life. I am truly blessed to have been a part of yours.

Now is my chance for self-healing. Learn from recent lessons. I am realizing so many things in the last few days. No matter what though, I will ALWAYS carry my dignity, be faithful to the ones I love, and be true to Him.

4pm

Every thing in my being is telling me to withdraw and put up walls with everyone. I trusted you. If this is what sisterhood is really about...then I don't want any of it.

change.

There are definitely things that I dislike about myself. So...starting today I will work on bettering myself for myself. In all honesty, Kappa has raised my expectations regarding the person I want to be. I want to be the best.

As simple as they may sound, I lack in them.

Ingredients:
*Be punctual
*Be goal-hungry
*Be more reliable
*Be up for any challenge I find worthy
*Be more responsible


[normally I'm not into feet but isn't this design awesome?!]

Lost for words...

People that possess so many talents are just intriguing...my <3 will always be Robert Pattinson's but damn Jay... @_@

http://twitter.com/jaybumaom
http://www.youtube.com/user/jayparkaom

10.20.01

No matter what doubt I try to throw at you, you always try to make me a believer. We know it's bigger than us...it's about Him. You remind me that we're a team even though I know you don't have to be there...that friendship would be enough. I'm sorry for my stubbornness and the difficult repercussions of my past. Thank you for your patience.

Thank you for being my voice of reason, my motivator, my laughing gas, my butterflies, my singer, my best friend, my different.

fantasy land interrupted.

I've been swallowed in comfortableness and I don't like it. Isn't it so simple to get lazy and lethargic in the summer. While Fridays are days people begin to wind down, it's my day to start putting things into play.

1. Start my TEAS exam preparation
2. Narrow down apartments/houses
3. Finish reading Wuthering Heights
4. Choose classes for the fall
5. Clay molding
6. Set new goals once these are complete

Thank you for making me smile every day.

3:50am

So...everyone is asleep and I'm mixed with random emotions right now. I have to admit that I feel a bit emo and quiet. I don't know what God's plan is for me anymore, not that I ever did but I always thought I had a little clue. :sigh: I'm starting to lose hope but I refuse to accept defeat. In a way, until I was 19 my life seemed simple and pretty much planned the way I saw fit. After 19...my world has gone upside down and in directions I never saw coming. But that's life, eh? What's my destiny? What am I meant for?

[how awesome is this!?]
As a whole though, I feel like parts of my "self" has evolved. My heart is full, something that is foreign to me. I've learned to address conflicts in a adult manner, though I have to confess that it's a struggle every time. I'm still adapting to live for the moment and stop planning SO much for the future because without enjoying the journey to your goal you're already not living. I'm smarter about relationships and not giving my heart so easily. Being strong.

Here's food for thought
"We want God to change our circumstances, but God wants to use our circumstances to change us."

totally.

beauty.

What a beautiful day it is outside today. ^_^