Saturday, December 26, 2009


Why do I always put my heart in front of every thing? I allow it to idle me, letting it distract me from my goals. AHH!!! Well, having rid that, I keep wondering about this road I'm on. If I really work that hard, is the life I want within reach? Will it be enough? Am I enough? I haven't a clue. I will no longer have certain issues to worry about or love affairs to fix. Despite all that I hear all around me and what others pry themselves into, I only want one thing. Success. 2010 will be the beginning to that start.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

beat up.

I don't have anything left to give. Each time it's taken a piece of me until there wasn't any left. Each time I gave a little more and a little more. My heart is exhausted. No more. I want to but it just can't take anymore of anything.

Monday, December 21, 2009


Ridiculous Unreasonable Passionate & True Love.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

my realm.

I love listening to the piano compositions that Carter Burwell did for Twilight. It takes me to another world that I get engulfed happy place. The only way I know how to refer it so others can understand is "getting dark." I don't feel dark but when others see me, they think I'm down. It's okay, they don't need to understand this state of being as long as I want to be there. It's weird sometimes seeing life in different dimensions but as long as I can go back it's okay. I wish I could stay in this realm but life won't let me right now. Call it a fantasy world or just something another could never understand.

The only lightness that exists is from the sky after it's just rained, still cloudy. The purity of love and positivity is the only thing that exists. Even when making love, the intensity is so great and heartfelt you feel like you're communicating with the soul of that person. Running through the fields of God's green earth stepping in crisp grass.The smell of fresh air piercing through your nose and pores, the wind dancing with your hair. Sounds of acoustic guitars and piano fill the air. Drinking fresh brewed coffee in brown mugs near the fireplace writing, reading, and good conversations. Contentment. Content with who you are, what you've accomplished in life, having someone complete you in ways you never knew was void. The depth of love is so deep you would protect them against anything, be partners in everything, and loving so hard, hurting one another just isn't possible.

This is MY world. This is where I get lost.