downpour

Every soul deserves to enjoy this voyage of life with an untainted heart. People will hurt you, misunderstand you, and try to darken that live spirit that each of us possess.

I sit here with a tainted heart. I can survive this because I have experienced worse, sadly to say. The devastation that I felt some months ago has given me some immunity to get through the days. I believe no one can hurt you like a fresh open gash like when you open your heart so widely that your senses are amplified to new heights. You feel emotions a lot stronger to where it slightly hurts. You see crystal clear all the beautiful things that have always existed that no one takes notice anymore. You thank the Creator for making you in this time frame just for that specific person. This is how I truly love. Once you have passed the fine line of love and forever, how do you retract back? How do you say, "I'll try again?" How do you reopen your soul for another when you were so sure? How many times must you reopen? My throat is tight as I write this because I am in the midst of the storm. I have always looked for my sunny day. Sometimes I get tricked in to thinking I have found it but, like I said, it was a joke being played on me.

As much as I love hard, I seem to feel hurt much more as I do love. I do not love perfectly, but I know I love purely. My aggression and anger sometimes get the best of me because it is the only way I know how to release such sorrow and pain from the depths inside. People that may not know me as well as they think they do get confused and/or turned off and leave. As every element makes up an individual, I will never apologize for a negative aspect of my personality. I accept people with their greatest downfalls and perks. I accept all of the people in my life as I know they will accept me in return. I stand here firmly to the ground because I know people turn away when things get rough and unpleasant. Those who stand by you and love your strengths, and most importantly your flaws, deserve you. Those who do not, don't. It is who is there at the end.

Yes, love is pain. Love is more than pain. It is more about feeling so blessed that you are alive. Of course every one can fend for themselves and survive on their own, emotionally speaking. The great thing about love is that you don't have to do it alone. In addition, you experience life differently, passionately when you've found it.

I know that I will be great someday. I will have every thing I've ever wanted that is in my control because positivity has a way of working those things out. I don't feel great but I will when that day comes. I know I am a good person that will have many more great memories with the people I love. The good thing about a tainted heart is that it isn't forever tainted. It rebuilds like a revived heartbeat that pulses thick and rich blood in to your soul. That is how I intend to live my life whether I am alone doing it or fortunate enough to share it with someone special one day. As for right now, the rain beating against my window will beat until the clouds part and that one ray of shine will appear through.