.

I just want something that's forever...

simplicity.

Now that I have a gist of normalcy back into my life it feels nice. I've been told I'm an individual that is hard to please; I've never denied that fact. It's funny though how the small things in life are what pleases me. For instance, listening to indie music while being curled up with a good book, painting, keeping up with Hayley and the band, Nat King and Sinatra blaring through the house, viewing serene pictures are things I've done in solitude lately but they make me oh so very happy! Life is a trip. Everyday, more than not, I think of how I know this town, this state isn't for me. I've seen different and it compels me to get there that much faster. Where is there? That place that tells me I'm meant to be here, that I am home.

"Keep Calm and Carry On"

learning.

Food for thought:

NOT ONE relationship will make it without the love of God embracing himself upon your life. It is a constant struggle to keep that balance without placing that person above Him, but you must. Not only will it strengthen your relationship with God, but it will bring endless happiness to your relationship. The bond you create is UNBREAKABLE as long as He's there and will shed its glory upon the other elements in your life.

This is why my past never worked out. I never stressed the importance of having my faith a part of my love life. I won't have it any other way now.

As I pray for those before me and their loved ones, I then pray for myself and thank him for allowing me to glorify Him.

81.8% on my TEAS...not too bad but not good enough for me! Haha I'm going back in! My birthday is in 3 days and I'm not quite sure on how I feel about it. I'm thankful to God for another healthy, blessed year but really, getting older sucks. Eh. I'll embrace my age instead of looking at it with a negative aspect this year. 24! WOOOOOO!

bleh.

You would think that I didn't care about my life by the way I act...I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I'm just burnt out from trying so much with school. My TEAS are coming up in a couple of days and I should be studying my butt off but yet I'm not. I wish I could receive some inspiration and motivation to just push through it, just push through it. Taking encouragement from people isn't working anymore. This is why I always think I need to do things alone. I kind of push myself...and if I can't seem to, I then seek for help through others. I feel like this test can open some doors for me and yet I can't seem to want it so bad anymore. Ateque?????????

I will say this though. I am really going to study today with breaks but I'm going in!!!

Asylum

soaked in sorrow.

While studying, listening to Yiruma. There's a downpour...in my head. I wish I didn't feel so glum.

calm.

I do miss quiet time to myself nowadays. I must admit that I don't get very much of it. Indie music and piano compositions were my escape from all the horrid and stressful elements of life. As I'm writing this, I'm appreciating the solitude. Oh, I miss you New York.

Bryant Park

From all the beautiful places I've seen in New York, this is the most vivid. <3 New York is beautiful even when the sky is crying. The sculptures and columns that are encrusted in the buildings are timeless. Even the way the sun peaks through the trees is an art. It truly takes my breath away.

spiritual.

"Having faith in something you can't see but feel is sometimes the hardest thing. Sin is always going to be knocking at your door in this world. But He has faith in you. He always has."


-me.

VK

"If you want something, be prepared to work harder than everyone else." --Victor Kim

Inspired. Thank you.

revelation.

Fresh air and peace are what fill my lungs now. As the high times of life with friends can distract you for it fills the empty moments in your day, it does not solve your problems. I have been looking for love in the wrong places for a long time. I realized yesterday that it is His love that I must yearn for. It is His love that I need. He's been speaking to me in my failures and has been waiting for me to open my heart to Him because well...His has been open to me. I'm letting Him guide me with my fists unclenched.

I'm sorry that I had to leave what we had behind. I hope that you will fully understand someday. Thank you for making me realize what I've been missing all my life. I am truly blessed to have been a part of yours.

Now is my chance for self-healing. Learn from recent lessons. I am realizing so many things in the last few days. No matter what though, I will ALWAYS carry my dignity, be faithful to the ones I love, and be true to Him.

4pm

Every thing in my being is telling me to withdraw and put up walls with everyone. I trusted you. If this is what sisterhood is really about...then I don't want any of it.

change.

There are definitely things that I dislike about myself. So...starting today I will work on bettering myself for myself. In all honesty, Kappa has raised my expectations regarding the person I want to be. I want to be the best.

As simple as they may sound, I lack in them.

Ingredients:
*Be punctual
*Be goal-hungry
*Be more reliable
*Be up for any challenge I find worthy
*Be more responsible


[normally I'm not into feet but isn't this design awesome?!]

Lost for words...

People that possess so many talents are just intriguing...my <3 will always be Robert Pattinson's but damn Jay... @_@

http://twitter.com/jaybumaom
http://www.youtube.com/user/jayparkaom

10.20.01

No matter what doubt I try to throw at you, you always try to make me a believer. We know it's bigger than us...it's about Him. You remind me that we're a team even though I know you don't have to be there...that friendship would be enough. I'm sorry for my stubbornness and the difficult repercussions of my past. Thank you for your patience.

Thank you for being my voice of reason, my motivator, my laughing gas, my butterflies, my singer, my best friend, my different.

fantasy land interrupted.

I've been swallowed in comfortableness and I don't like it. Isn't it so simple to get lazy and lethargic in the summer. While Fridays are days people begin to wind down, it's my day to start putting things into play.

1. Start my TEAS exam preparation
2. Narrow down apartments/houses
3. Finish reading Wuthering Heights
4. Choose classes for the fall
5. Clay molding
6. Set new goals once these are complete

Thank you for making me smile every day.

3:50am

So...everyone is asleep and I'm mixed with random emotions right now. I have to admit that I feel a bit emo and quiet. I don't know what God's plan is for me anymore, not that I ever did but I always thought I had a little clue. :sigh: I'm starting to lose hope but I refuse to accept defeat. In a way, until I was 19 my life seemed simple and pretty much planned the way I saw fit. After 19...my world has gone upside down and in directions I never saw coming. But that's life, eh? What's my destiny? What am I meant for?

[how awesome is this!?]
As a whole though, I feel like parts of my "self" has evolved. My heart is full, something that is foreign to me. I've learned to address conflicts in a adult manner, though I have to confess that it's a struggle every time. I'm still adapting to live for the moment and stop planning SO much for the future because without enjoying the journey to your goal you're already not living. I'm smarter about relationships and not giving my heart so easily. Being strong.

Here's food for thought
"We want God to change our circumstances, but God wants to use our circumstances to change us."

totally.

beauty.

What a beautiful day it is outside today. ^_^

for he is all the truth I know.

I came across this today...I wanted to share. :)Have a beautiful night!

"Be joyful always; pray continually; and give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
(1 Thessalonians 5:16-17)

alone.

I'm in the midst of finals and yet here I am blogging. Figures. I've been in my cubbie hole hiding from the world because I need a time out. I've dedicated my time and heart into something that disappointed me. Now I'm trying to focus on what's good for my life and happiness. Reading Hayley's blog always puts a smile on my face because her music and spirit just livens and inspires me to be more. It's funny...simple things make me happy. Reading inspiring blogs, the sound of acoustic guitars and piano, cafes, rain, punk music, cliffs, laughing, & french vanilla lattes make me joyous. At the same time this all takes place with me being in solitude. I need to remember to incorporate those simple yet happy elements in my life daily. My plan for the rest of the year is to dominate my science courses and the TEAS to get what I want out of my career. I didn't know how to do this before but now I can humbly say I'm learning how to enjoy the journey on the way to my destined goal. I still need to work on loosening the grip of my fingers from control. Day by day. Week by week. Smile by happiness.

Sometimes I stop to think, "Wow, so this is what it's like to be happy."

air.

I've really been into horses lately. This is EXACTLY what I want to do. FREEDOM.

white horse

This song exemplifies how I feel about love. Yes, I am a girl but I don't believe in the whole fairy tale thing like I once did when I was younger. I guess it's a part of innocence that I lost.

still.

I need a RELAXING vacay where I do absolutely nothing but be at peace. Maybe I needed the beach more than I thought. :sigh: I need to be cleansed.

moments.

They say when you die your life flashes before your eyes. This is an image that I'll see. Maybe I am foolish to love my friends as much as I do because they say friends somehow let you down someday. Even if so, I wouldn't give up this moment for anything or anyone. I love my line sisters.

120

You scare the shit out of me. Yes, I admit that I am scared for once. The only tactic I want to cling on to is to runaway. I'm not ready for any of this...please don't force me. I will go at my own time.

surprise.

I see new beauty in rain.

this is my story.

post-it.

"Remember when we were together we never turned our backs on each other,
But now that we're separated we can't stand one another."


Lately, I've been wondering how he's doing. Has happiness found him? I am certainly not a provider of that for anyone. I've been through too much shit in my life. I've been thinking about how we started and how effortless it was back then. He vowed that distance wouldn't affect our relationship but it changed it completely. We are not to blame because our intentions were true and we gave it our all these past 2 years. It is true...people show their love in different ways, that we did. I'm sorry you never realized how much it meant to me to be shown love. I'm sorry you felt that all your efforts were a waste, monetarily. You've been a good man to me as I've been a good woman to you throughout the years. Yes, towards the end when I knew I had nothing left to give or offer I made choices that reflected the distress my heart had enough of. I never wanted to be your whole world. I just wanted to be a piece of your life that you appreciated. I realized what different people we had become because our priorities had altered. Last summer made me realize a lot as well. :sigh: something so promising ended with us being strangers. I pray for your happiness and success because since day one I've always been on your side cheering you on. So many things have changed in me, with me that it took certain life events to immerse. I'll see you at the end.

ATL

Spring Break 2010
I'm soo excited for Ktown I can barely stand it!

wreckless.

I just want this in my mind and soul.
I had a talk with my sister, my biological sister, today about things that's been going on. She gave it to me real. I am no longer lost.

?

what. the. heck? Just when you think you know your life pretty well...it reminds you that you are stupid for thinking you were so sure in the first place lol. :)
Nothing makes sense but...
autequé?

vision.

coffee & literature see beauty in rain. see beauty in yourself.

Him.

Do I really think that thinly of thine self? Seems it has been one hit after another in life but my dongsengs won't let me get to the bottom. As much as I want to think one way about things, and maybe for my own good, they assure me that sharing our lives together bc of God's will is the best thing that's happened. HE knows what I've encountered and what roads have led me here but sometimes I feel like I am without guidance. I've been afraid to let go of that control because of the unknown but I think it's been a long time coming. Me, Jessica, as a being of this earth have soo much I want to express and experience. It'll never be like my youth group back home and I've aimlessly been looking for a new refuge everywhere I move. I guess I'm afraid it won't be the same as Calvary...

I don't talk about religion a lot because I feel like it's an internal thing, a personal relationship with Him. It's not something to brag or an announcement to voice. No one really knows how I feel about it but I'm ok with that.

As much as my heart tends to care for another, more than I want it to sometimes, I need to value my worth and understand that someone will value it just the same one day. :D Don't you ever feel like your heart is your worst enemy?

I want to be better. A better person, a better leader,a better student, a better sister, just better! I've been too comfortable and I hear it calling me out...

rain.

cuddle with me. kekek

let's get it.

FORGET THE STRESS. I AM HERE TO LIVE. && LIVE WELL AT THAT :)

When you let your feelings get in the way it clouds your vision.
If you know you deserve happiness...let yourself have it.
Tomorrow is another day and I have loving people all around me <3
Let's live this UP! Let the good times rollllllll ;)

fam.

Funny how people like to misconstrue things (sometimes on purpose.) I've become somewhat of a big sister to a lot of people in Orlando. I must admit that it is a weird feeling because I'm so used to people taking care of me hahah. Nonetheless, I love my dongsengs. I think Tina and Hoon are the closest ones I look out for just because we've gotten really close. Because I happen to hang out with a guy, people like to twist things having no lives of their own. I know what it's like wanting some type of guidance when you feel like you haven't any. Though I believe you should seek the Father for that guidance, I don't mind being here for them too. I couldn't ask for a better lil bro and sister <3. I cannot wait until they're grown up telling me how great their lives are and how it's filled with so much joy. I truly want the best for them and I want to protect them from anything negative that's in my power. Hahah so don't mess!

figment.

the verve.

Taking theatre has been such a breath of fresh air! On any regular day I would be whatever about school, counting down the minutes. The people in class are so welcoming and the vibe is wonderful. I feel the need to be creative igniting inside of this little body. ^_^ I can't wait to attend plays at the end of the month. I must admit that I was stressed about the direction my life was taking but I'm going to plan as least as possible. I'm already experiencing things I never imagined I would. At the end of the day I want to be a nurse but taking theatre is what I need in my life. KPL has opened my heart to once strangers and now my heart warms when I see my girls. They've portrayed a love that I didn't think existed with the female specie. I'm in love with them. <3 The days are full and the nights are lonely but life has uplifted me off the ground again...it is simply profound.